I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
