i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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