so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
