Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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