bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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