You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
