You smell like a Billy Joel song
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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