Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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