Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
