My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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