I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
