I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
