Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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