yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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