I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
