Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
