Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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