ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
