Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
