You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
