Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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