he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
