Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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