Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
