Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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