if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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