is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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