I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
