When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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