i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
