whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
