the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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