don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
