Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
