my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
