Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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