woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
