I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Life is so much better after having sex.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
