I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
