yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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