yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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