someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
