Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
