he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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