You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
