We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
there was a trapeze. enough said
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
