my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
