Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
