I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
