dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
